She went on to say that “Men usually have a physical advantage over women, so it’s not that big of a deal.”
Years ago I went on a medication which can cause permanent sexual dysfunction, and, even though I only took it for about a year, I still don’t get turned on to this day. I’ve always been really ashamed about this – it’s been a big cause of friction in relationships, and I feel like I should be able to “fix” it, even though I’ve tried everything I can. Anyway, I mentioned it on Tumblr a few weeks ago… and since then, have been besieged by an unknown but persistent number of anons telling me I am sekritly asexua. And when I explain why I’m not, crying ace shaming and internalized acephobia at me. It’s ironic, because I have long considered myself an ace ally – and still do – and one of the reasons I never thought asexuality was a form of sexual dysfunction was that asexuals’ descriptions of their experiences sounded totally different from mine – you know, someone who is actually dysfunctional.
This happened recently on a social justice blog I used to follow (unfollowed because of the rude attitude of some of the moderators).
Somebody asked a serious question about cultural appropriation in hopes of understanding it better and a few of the moderators started cursing them out and yelling at them for being uniformed on the subject. I’m sorry, but I was of the belief that the point of social justice blogs were to educate people, not yell at them. I understand it’s sometimes hard to not to get angry with someone who is ignorant to a subject that you’re particularly sensitive to, but by being rude to people who are genuinely trying to better themselves is not the way to go.
In high school a girl told me that it was offensive that I spoke Spanish with an accent. I stopped speaking it around her out of shame and embarrassment, she told me I was a racist. When I was in junior high I learned Castilian from my teacher who was a Spaniard. I picked up her accent, but I didn’t know that, because my Puerto Rican godfather never bothered to point it out in all the years we spoke Spanish to each other.
You Might Be a Sally If:
Because I feel this needs reiteration from time to time.
You are not a Sally because:
- …you care about social justice.
- …you are a feminist.
- …you disagree with someone.
- …you respond rudely to someone who is being rude to begin with.
You are probably a Sally if:
In the name of social justice, you have ever…
- …harassed, threatened, or incited others to do so towards a person (bonus points for anon hate)
- …tried to refocus every discussion to be about your particular oppression when it is inappropriate.
- …discounted oppression of others because your oppression differs.
- …fetishized the identities of a minority in creative works in order to make yourself appear more “open-minded”.
- …spoken for or made a strawman of an entire group of people that neither wants nor warrants it (bonus points if you do not belong to the group you’re speaking for)
- …made excuses for yourself for exhibiting behaviour that you normally speak against (eg. “I can like problematic things, but you can’t”)
- …spent more time attacking well-meaning people than fighting against oppressors.
- …believed everything you saw on Tumblr without researching it.
- …appropriated terms, such as “trigger” or “spoons”, when they do not actually apply to you.
- …intentionally ignored context for the sake of attacking somebody.
- …used “tone policing” as an excuse for why you, yourself, cannot be called out.
- …used somebody’s identity, rather than behavior, to label them as “scum”.
I will probably continue to add to this list.
