She went on to say that “Men usually have a physical advantage over women, so it’s not that big of a deal.”
Years ago I went on a medication which can cause permanent sexual dysfunction, and, even though I only took it for about a year, I still don’t get turned on to this day. I’ve always been really ashamed about this – it’s been a big cause of friction in relationships, and I feel like I should be able to “fix” it, even though I’ve tried everything I can. Anyway, I mentioned it on Tumblr a few weeks ago… and since then, have been besieged by an unknown but persistent number of anons telling me I am sekritly asexua. And when I explain why I’m not, crying ace shaming and internalized acephobia at me. It’s ironic, because I have long considered myself an ace ally – and still do – and one of the reasons I never thought asexuality was a form of sexual dysfunction was that asexuals’ descriptions of their experiences sounded totally different from mine – you know, someone who is actually dysfunctional.
This happened recently on a social justice blog I used to follow (unfollowed because of the rude attitude of some of the moderators).
Somebody asked a serious question about cultural appropriation in hopes of understanding it better and a few of the moderators started cursing them out and yelling at them for being uniformed on the subject. I’m sorry, but I was of the belief that the point of social justice blogs were to educate people, not yell at them. I understand it’s sometimes hard to not to get angry with someone who is ignorant to a subject that you’re particularly sensitive to, but by being rude to people who are genuinely trying to better themselves is not the way to go.
Response to this post.
Don’t do that, sally.
(that is some awful compression wow)
In high school a girl told me that it was offensive that I spoke Spanish with an accent. I stopped speaking it around her out of shame and embarrassment, she told me I was a racist. When I was in junior high I learned Castilian from my teacher who was a Spaniard. I picked up her accent, but I didn’t know that, because my Puerto Rican godfather never bothered to point it out in all the years we spoke Spanish to each other.
Because I feel this needs reiteration from time to time.
You are not a Sally because:
- …you care about social justice.
- …you are a feminist.
- …you disagree with someone.
- …you respond rudely to someone who is being rude to begin with.
You are probably a Sally if:
In the name of social justice, you have ever…
- …harassed, threatened, or incited others to do so towards a person (bonus points for anon hate)
- …tried to refocus every discussion to be about your particular oppression when it is inappropriate.
- …discounted oppression of others because your oppression differs.
- …fetishized the identities of a minority in creative works in order to make yourself appear more “open-minded”.
- …spoken for or made a strawman of an entire group of people that neither wants nor warrants it (bonus points if you do not belong to the group you’re speaking for)
- …made excuses for yourself for exhibiting behaviour that you normally speak against (eg. “I can like problematic things, but you can’t”)
- …spent more time attacking well-meaning people than fighting against oppressors.
- …believed everything you saw on Tumblr without researching it.
- …appropriated terms, such as “trigger” or “spoons”, when they do not actually apply to you.
- …intentionally ignored context for the sake of attacking somebody.
- …used “tone policing” as an excuse for why you, yourself, cannot be called out.
- …used somebody’s identity, rather than behavior, to label them as “scum”.
I will probably continue to add to this list.